The beginning of the middle in a pandemic

An anonymous second year medical student

As I’m writing this, we’re at Day 24 of our UMMS quarantine. As the days progress and all I’m doing (and really allowed to do) is study for STEP 1, the more antsy I get. A classmate once said, “why does Step matter right now–this is a war and most of us are healthy students who can be doing something to help.” We feel helpless. We feel like we can offer what little knowledge we have and be an extra set of hands. We are itching to be tagged in. But our administration is thinking about the well-being of the students and are trying not to overwhelm the hospital system with students. Quite frankly, we just get in the way of the important things in medicine.

I think the most frustrating part is that we’re so close. So close to being real doctors–finally. So close to being able to make a difference in the health of others, like we’ve dreamed about. And so close to being useful and not helpless.

But here’s the thing: we’re all helpless against this virus–every single one of us. Nurses can’t get their patients’ O2 sat back up. EMTs can’t get to enough patients in time. Postal officers can’t handle the absurd influx of mail and things to be mailed. Doctors are struggling to keep up with the newest information/research on COVID-19, keeping their patients alive, and their families healthy. We can’t control any of this.

But we can control our emotions and how we react to this madness.

Yes, this is a scary and uncertain time. And we’re all in the same boat of trying to survive this pandemic. As a Chinese-American, no, the Chinese government did not start this virus in a lab to wipe off the earth. And how do I know this? Because the Chinese government, while often controlling and cruel, is not stupid enough to kill millions of people and risk their growing economy. I will not be mad if you cross the street when you see me, or yell obscene things at me and people who look like me–just disappointed. And mind you, plenty of people are not Chinese. I know you’re scared. And so, I don’t have to respond with more hate and be angry.

We can control and take the narrative back from those who are telling everyone that this is not a big deal, or that the virus will be over soon, and go back to congregating in large groups. We can combat the federal government’s inaction with action from us. It is up to us to educate others in a compassionate and understanding way about the truth of viruses, medicine, and public health. We are somewhat helpless, yes, but we can help, and we are not alone. We, as mere students, can make a difference. We are organizing trainings, PPE collections, and other amazing things. Together, we can still help the healthcare providers we strive to be.

Spread truth and care, not germs.

Godspeed,

A fellow medical student

An anonymous second year medical student