What are you thinking?
Alicia Lamoureux
I wonder what you are thinking
As you sit perched next to me,
Like a royal guard at a palace gate.
And yet your heavy head starts to sink
As, inevitably, the repetitive pats from me
Slowly comfort you to sleep.
I wonder if you ask yourself,
Why has she been home every day?
Why doesn’t she leave every morning like before?
But clearly these thoughts must not be disturbing you
As I hear the all too familiar sound of your snore.
I wonder what you are thinking
As you lie on the rug
Basking in the rays of sunshine that permeate the deck door
Warming this sacred spot you have claimed.
I wonder if you have noticed
It’s not just her, but the others have been here a lot more, too.
I laugh to think you are grateful
That no strangers have been here in quite some time and
You have not had to cower in your safe space behind the recliner.
Meeting new people isn’t one of your strengths.
You have always been more of an introvert.
I wonder what you are thinking
As we walk together for the eighth day in a row.
My long hours spent at the hospital this year
Put a stop to our once scheduled exercise.
Initially you pulled me like an untamed beast,
Not knowing if this would be our last time outside,
Zig-zagging in every direction to sniff this or smell that.
But now we have settled back into our routine.
We stroll calmly as a pair. The leash only for decorum.
The sites and the smells now less novel.
I wonder what you are thinking
As we are in the kitchen cooking together.
Another beloved past-time that quickly became replaced by
Frozen meals and bowls of cereal
Throughout the course of this year.
You, the executive chef, following my every move,
Turning your nose up to every ingredient I begin to prepare.
I’ve always been a messy sous chef,
And you’ve never missed the opportunity to clean what I clumsily drop.
I wonder what you are thinking
As you lie on your coveted over-stuffed pillow,
Taking your pre-bedtime nap beside the roaring pellet stove.
It seems that you have forgotten to roll your tongue back into your mouth again.
Have you been following what’s on the TV behind you?
I chuckle to think of the knowledge you have gained,
The massive amounts of news you have absorbed,
Night after night laying in front of this TV.
I imagine you ask yourself,
“What’s a China anyway?”
But then I wonder,
Maybe you aren’t thinking about these things at all.
Maybe those round, toasty hazel eyes looking up at me
Are just enjoying these moments.
Being present in our time together
Without wondering why.
Without worrying if it will ever end.
Without thinking of tomorrow.
Alicia Lamoureux is a fourth-year medical student at UMass Med planning on applying to Internal Medicine. She is interested in pulmonary-critical care medicine. She uses writing as a creative escape from clinical medicine and enjoys spending time with her Boxer mix, Bandit, featured in this piece.
